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Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Don't Forget to Flush (#2)


     I just read a story on the internet, about a house in Hollywood, California, selling for 195 million dollars. It features 25 acres of land with a vineyard, and a house with 53,000 square feet of living space. Included in the house is a 15,000 square foot entertainment center, a bowling alley, Turkish spa, 3,000 bottle wine cellar, 12 bedrooms, and 23 bathrooms.
     Hey, wait a minute. That can't be right. Did I just say twenty-three bathrooms? Unless you're a multi-platinum selling rapper, with an enormous entourage of burrito lovers, or a billionaire with a severe bladder problem-that seems like overkill to me.

     I have a few questions? Does anyone, really need twenty-three bathrooms? Do people use them, or are they there just to brag about to the guys while watching sports on your six hundred and eighty inch, big screen TV? Does the owner have a plumber on staff who lives in the basement? Do you need 943 magazine subscriptions for reading materials, and tractor trailer deliveries of scrubbing bubbles, toilet paper, and those round chlorine tablets you drop in the tank? What do you do if a quest asks to use your bathroom? Do you even know where they all are? Do you hand them a detailed map, or just say,
"Pick any door; chances are you'll find one pretty quick."
     Who cleans the bathrooms? I have two bathrooms in my house, and it almost killed me to clean them last week. Imagine, meticulously scrubbing, and thoroughly cleaning a bathroom for two hours, and then being told you only have twenty-two more to go!
     What would make it worse is, I don't think billionaires really care what they do in their twenty-three bathrooms. After drinking two or three $30,000 bottles of wine, ingesting a pound or two of expensive caviar, and yelling at poor, over-worked servants carrying massive trays of hors d'oeuvres; do you really think they care what they do in the bathroom? I doubt they're thinking,
"I better make sure I don't miss, use the bathroom spray with the lavender scent, wipe off the sink, and make sure I flush. Poor Maria has to do her weekly bathroom cleaning tomorrow."
     It's probably more like, "I can't believe that minimum wage servant had the audacity to bump my Armani suit with the edge of her tray. Do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go into every bathroom, and go nuts. By the time I'm done, it will look like a troop of chimpanzees were using the facilities."

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