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Monday, December 15, 2014

Wasting Away at Christmas (6#)


          Is it just me, or does Santa Claus seem to be getting skinnier every year? I just saw him ringing a bell for the Salvation Army in front of Wal-Mart, and he looked like my Uncle Earl, a few months after his gastric bypass surgery.  You would think, after eleven months of vacation, he would have bulked up a little.

     I know we live in a health conscious society. I also know that losing weight and eating right is good for our health. I may even want to lose some weight this Holiday season, but come on; not Santa! Santa's always been big. Every year he eats billions of cookies, and drinks millions of gallons of milk. He's magic. He can handle the extra calories. He can fit down your chimney, can't he? 

      When I was a child, we had a family tradition on Christmas Eve of reading the Poem, "Twas the Night Before Christmas." I remember these lines from the poem. 

"He had a broad face and a little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly. He was jolly and plump, a right old elf." 

     My memory may not be as sharp as it once was, but I don't remember anything about six-pack abs, insanity videos, or the P90x system. Weight watchers, Zumba classes and half-marathons are for the rest of us, not Santa Claus.

     I was at the mall this past week and was a witness to one of the skinniest, most pitiful looking Santa's I had ever seen. Some of the kids, who sat on his lap, weighed more than he did. Santa's Elf was bigger than him, for Heaven's sake I almost went to a local coffee shop to buy him an extra-large latte with whipped cream and a couple of sticky buns to fatten him up a little. 

     This Holiday season I'm going to watch what I eat and try to eat healthier, but on Christmas night I'm leaving Santa a big surprise. This year when he comes down the chimney, he'll find a six-pack of beer, a bag of pork rinds, two or three pounds of ring bologna, and a dozen donuts. Don't worry Santa. By next year we'll have you back to your old self.

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